


The game is not played alone

by Pheromonecvltx



Series: Vessel Songfics [4]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, I don't know what I'm doing, It's really sad I'm so sorry, M/M, Sad Josh, Sad Tyler, everyone is sad, im sad, joshler - Freeform, reference to suicide, songfic for migraine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 17:49:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5835001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pheromonecvltx/pseuds/Pheromonecvltx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I get really bad migraines" Tyler said to the boy sitting next to him.</p><p>"Last time I checked, you don't get sent into a psyche ward for migraines."</p><p>It was the outpatient ward.Tyler was totally fine.</p><p>-------<br/>Kinda a songfic for migraine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The game is not played alone

**Author's Note:**

> Okay okay so let's make this clear in not romanticising mental illness. Also I get it I use a lot of quotes from the song migraine by tøp because yeah it's a songfic. Get over it

"I get really bad migraines" Tyler said to the boy sitting next to him. The boy looked him up and down. "Last time I checked you don't get sent to a psych Ward for migraines."

Tyler scoffed. "This is an outpatient ward. I'm fine. Totally fine." The guy scoffed. "We're all perfectly fine here." Tyler didn't like his tone. "But I had an appointment about my migraines on Friday."

The boy didn't know what to say to him. Tyler continued. "I was kind of saying it to myself, but I guess you replied. Whatever. I'm Tyler by the way." The boy bit his lip. He was not sure making friends at a mental hospital was a good idea. 

"Josh" he smiled slightly and shook Tyler's hand. Tyler was happy. Not many people spoke to him in here, and considering he had an appointment almost every Monday that was boring.

"I've never seen you here before." Josh frowned. Was this guy in here a lot? "I'm in here a lot. I'd remember you if I saw you before." Josh was nervous. This guy made him nervous. "It's my first time here." Tyler grinned at Josh. "Oh they're great here. It's the best one I've been to." 

Josh raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything. Tyler continued talking. "See I do this thing where I try and kill myself every Sunday." He laughed. As if it was some kind of joke. Josh was getting scared. "It's a problem. I've had it for a few months now."

"That's a real problem man." Josh didn't know what to say. Tyler laughed again. "Sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head." Josh thought about the statement. It was sort of poetic. This guy seemed kind of poetic. 

"I know its kind of an unacceptable thing to ask, but why are you here? I don't know sorry im just curious." Tyler looked nervous to ask, and Josh thought that was adorable. "Severe anxiety." Josh was worried Tyler was going to give him the whole 'oh I get you, everyone gets worried sometimes look.' That would have pissed him off.

"You're brave for even talking to anyone about it. You've made it this far, kid, okay. It's all gonna turn out fine." Josh was surprised at Tyler's reassurance. "Once you come in here, you realise, you're not the only one waging a war behind your face and above your throat, okay?"

Tyler's big eyes were staring at Josh's. Josh liked the way Tyler spoke. He liked the way he talked like someone from a play. He liked that he was a philosopher. "I like they way you talk." Josh blurted it and he regretted it almost immediately. 

Tyler gave him a small smile, but it was genuine. "You seem to be coping really well with this situation." Josh really admired Tyler. "So do you. I'm not as fine as I seem. And I don't think you are either." Tyler looked Josh up and down and Josh felt like he was being probed. 

"You seem to be able to read people really well." Josh complimented Tyler. Tyler grinned. "Green gardens are not what's growing in my psyche, so I've got to distract myself. I observe other people. It's a problem. I get obsessed with other people being fine."

Josh bit his lip. "Tyler, what's your brain like?" He knew Tyler would answer. "It makes Pandora's box contents look non-violent. And theres lions. They're trying to eat me. Blood running down their chins. I know that I can fight or I can let the lion win." Tyler paused. "See it's hard, the lions are a part of me. But I can't survive if they eat me obviously. So I've got to assemble all the weapons I can find. Like metaphorically of course. I don't go cutting pieces of my head out. And then I've got to kill the lions. Cause sometimes to stay alive, you've got to kill your mind. Do you ever do that, Josh?"

Josh didn't know what to say. "No. I don't know how to cope. I'm actually jealous of your coping mechanism." Tyler laughed. "Jealous. Of me. That's ridiculous. I'm suicidal. And I've been told I'm crazy thousands of times. Although I hate that word. It sucks."

Josh bit his lip and looked at Tyler, "I don't think you're crazy." It was true. He thought Tyler was a very sad man. He knew Tyler needed help. He did not think that Tyler was a danger to society. He didn't think anyone he had met around here was. He thought mentally ill people were portrayed hugely unfairly, cause everyone he'd ever met was not dangerous. They were all genuinely nice.

He wasn't going to lie, after hearing Tyler talk about everything he was going through in such an elegant way, he was hooked. He listened to Tyler talk about his theories of life. Tyler had a lot to say. Josh liked that.

A nurse came and smiled fondly at Tyler. "You here again honey, come on in." She put her arm around him but he quickly took out a sheet of paper and began scribbling something down.

"We should take a day to break away from all the pain our brains have made." Underneath it said his number.

Josh smiled when he got it, and he called Tyler the next day. Tyler was so excited that Josh had called back. He was very affectionate outside of the hospital. Josh made sure to take him out on a Sunday, and although he seemed completely uncomfortable to be out of his routine, secretly Tyler was relieved. No one ever took him out to stop him from doing anything.

"Life has a hopeful undertone."

Tyler said it quietly as he cuddled into Josh on the couch. It was their 6 month anniversary. Tyler was proud. So was Josh. He loved him a lot. In fact, his heart was fit to burst with the love he had for the boy who was so poetic and beautiful. 

Tyler had fallen in love with the red haired boy who listened and looked at him as if he was the greatest miracle to be brought on the earth.

Josh didn't cure Tyler though, because depression is an illness and someone loving you does not make everything better. The difference was, Josh would bring Tyler in every time he felt worried about him. He would make sure Tyler ate, and looked after his basic personal needs.

Josh didn't cure Tyler, but Tyler started new medication, that Josh made him take. It made him feel better. It eased the intense depression that Tyler constantly had. It helped him. And so did Josh by convincing him to take them in the first place.

Josh didn't cure Tyler. Tyler killed himself a year into the relationship. It wasn't Josh's fault. It wasn't Tyler's fault. It was Tyler's god damn depression, and nothing could apparently stop that.

On his suicide note he wrote:  
Sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head.

He never stopped having those migraines he had talked to Josh about the first time that they met.

**Author's Note:**

> I've gotten so mean omg. 
> 
> (Also I get this one is kinda shit just because migraine is a hard one to write a song for)


End file.
